i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
