yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
