I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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