Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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