he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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