does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
