I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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