Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize