i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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