you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
