Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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