Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
3pm strippers are depressing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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