and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
