She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
