Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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