Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
