he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
