yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
