I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
