pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
