Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
