You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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