yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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