I think my vagina is haunted
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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