god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
