My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
