Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
