Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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