It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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