Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
