When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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