You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize