I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
