wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
