Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize