I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
