How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
