yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Help. Why am I so naked?
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