it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
