I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize