just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
