He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
