It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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