I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
