She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
