Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
