I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
