if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
