Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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