Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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