Cold hands, warm shart.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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