Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
