the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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