my phone needs a breathalizer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
