i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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