just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize