so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
