I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
