My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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