Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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