just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
