so explain again why im purple
no
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
