i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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