Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
