My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
