cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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