Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
