I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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