College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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