Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize