I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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