My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
