Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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