dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
