Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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