oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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