I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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