...so i touched it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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