Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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