There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
