so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
