the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
