Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
nutella sex= disaster
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
