I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
