you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
