got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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