I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize