Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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