White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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