Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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