I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
