Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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