no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
