You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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