You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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