Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
