The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
