woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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