when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
